Are you TOO HARD on yourself?
How many times have you caught yourself thinking:
“Damn! I wish I said that—or didn’t say that.”
“I wish I had done that—or hadn’t done that.”
“I wish I figured this out sooner.”
“I wish I walked away earlier.”
“I wish I knew back then what I know now.”
“If only I had been that person back then…”
But you didn’t know. You weren’t that person. And no, you can’t go back. That’s just the way it is.
We often say things like these and feel regret from deep within. These thoughts tend to arise once we’ve already learned the lesson life intended to teach us. We end up caught in the cycle of self-blame, wondering why we didn’t know better at the time. But why do we punish ourselves for not knowing something we had yet to learn? Why do we expect perfection from ourselves at every stage of life? Isn’t that just how life works?
Life is a journey—full of choices, experiences, and lessons. Some choices will turn out well; others won’t. And eventually, we grow from those that didn’t. So why do we hold ourselves to such impossibly high standards? How could we have known better if we never tried? How could we understand what works without making mistakes? Isn't the purpose of life to live fully, to stumble, to learn, and to evolve? Why then do we dwell on regret or blame ourselves for something that was simply part of the process?
Perhaps it’s human nature to be hard on ourselves when we realize we’ve made mistakes. We look back and think, “How could I have been so foolish?” We confront our flaws and magnify them in our minds. What feels enormous to us may seem perfectly normal to others. Some people learn from their mistakes quickly. Others need repeated lessons to finally understand. And unfortunately, some never learn at all—they remain stuck in a loop of the same mistakes.
Sometimes, we remain blind to aspects of ourselves that keep us from growing. Other times, we simply aren’t ready to learn the lesson life is offering. As a result, our journey becomes longer, harder, and more painful. In those moments, it may feel as though life has singled us out for suffering. But what we often fail to realize is that these hardships may be blessings in disguise. We rarely see the value of our suffering while we’re in it because emotions cloud our perspective. Only later, when clarity sets in, do we begin to understand the purpose of our pain. That’s when acceptance takes root, and we may even come to embrace what we once resented.
When the blindfold is removed, we see the bigger picture. We begin to understand that everything we went through—the joy, the pain, the triumphs, the failures—was necessary to bring us to where we are today. Nothing happened by accident. Every experience, whether good or bad, was part of life’s grand design for us.
There’s no need to blame yourself for not knowing better—you weren’t supposed to know yet. And there’s no need to regret what’s in the past—it belongs there. Look ahead. Learn from your mistakes. Cherish the lessons you’ve gained because not everyone has been fortunate enough to learn them. Be kind to yourself. You are exactly where you are meant to be. Period.
Let Go of Regret, Embrace the Journey - Rania
