If you left a narcissistic relationship, then you will understand what I am about to tell you here. If you experienced a turbulent, toxic relationship, the roller coaster of emotions and at times, actions on your part and the other person’s part, then you know how hard it is to break free completely from that dynamic. It is very common to go through more than one breakup before the final one. I am no different.
I lived a nightmare for a few years. Not many, thank God. I was alert. I was beginning to understand what I was dealing with. I had people in my life warning me about the signs and the red flags I was not seeing, the ones I was excusing, the ones I kept finding reasons to dismiss.
I do not believe in regret. I do not believe in living life and then looking back wishing I had done this or should not have done that. I refuse to live with the shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Now, as a healed woman, I take it even further. I take responsibility for my part, for why I attracted this toxic relationship and why it took me so long to break free. That is by no means giving a free pass to the abuser. It is about taking my power back. It is about reclaiming my life after a toxic and abusive relationship.
This is a confession of sorts. An opening of my heart. A telling of a story that does not define me, yet shaped the woman I am today. The events that shook my world became the very path that led me here. It is a story of resilience just as much as it is a story of pain. A great awakening. A peeling off of layers to heal inner wounds that had no voice.
It was not a walk in the park. There were many revelations, many epiphany moments, many confrontations with hard truth. It was all worth it. When I look back now at that chapter of my life, from the moment I got entangled with someone I now know had his eyes on me for a long time, I see it clearly. I fell into a trap. He played the game well. He knew exactly what he was doing. I, in my innocence, believed and saw what I wanted to see. My purity felt like my downfall at the time. Today, my wisdom and compassion allow me to see things as they are.
Victimizing myself will not help me. It will only slow down my healing.
Why am I sharing this? Why disclose private and vulnerable parts of my life? The answer is simple. I am not the only one who lived this. There are women living it right now. There are women who have lived it and are still trying to find their footing. There are wounded and confused hearts that need a little light to shine through. A reminder that they can move forward and not look back.
Should Have Walked Away After the 6th BREAK-UP
My life may have turned out differently if I had walked away the first time. Or the second. Or even the sixth. Yes, there were six breakups. But it was not meant to end that way. I had not learned what I needed to learn yet. What I experienced up until that sixth breakup was not enough for my healing journey. I went back one last time. I needed to experience something that would break the illusion once and for all. Something that would shake me awake so deeply that there was no turning back.
To some, this may not make sense. I understand that. I cannot fully explain it. I just know in my heart it is true. It feels like intuition. As my life unfolded, as the events aligned, as my work evolved, it became clear again and again that I am on the right path. I am meant to do this work. And somehow, it all connects back to going back that one last time.
That was the climax of my story. That last time. As painful as it was, I accept that my calling required me to live it. In that acceptance, I found peace.
So let me ask you, the woman reading this right now:
In what phase are you?
Are you recognizing that you are being abused?
Are you aware that you are in a relationship with someone who will not change?
Are you ready to take your power back?
Did you find these words by accident, or are they an answer to something you have been quietly praying for?
I do not have all the answers for you. I do not know your exact situation. But if these words are striking a chord, then deep down you already know that decisions need to be made. What those decisions are, only you can choose.
I was not completely alone. I had some support. But I did not have what I offer now. I had to learn it. I had to fight my way through it. I had to sit with the pain, make the hard choices and face the truth mostly on my own. It was a lonely road.
You do not have to walk it alone.
If you need support, reach out. Not from a place of pressure. From one woman to another who has lived this pain, who has peeled back her own layers, who has faced her wounds and found her strength. I am here. If I can hold space for you, guide you or simply listen, I will.
Your story does not define you. But it can awaken you.
And sometimes the breaking is what leads us home to ourselves.
If you are seeking assistance with someone to guide you along the way - reach out. I’m here to serve and be that guide on your journey of healing. I meet you where you are. I take you as far as you are willing to go.
Schedule a call and let’s talk
Listen to Podcast
