Closet Covert NARCISSIST ready or not here I come

Ever been so dumbfounded when you realize you have been interacting with someone who has two faces. And no I’m not referring to Geminis. That’s a whole other pain on its own. No offence to any Geminis out there. Forgive my generalization. But Damn if you actually end up interacting with a Narcissistic Gemini with a border line personality disorder. Uffff!! God help you. You better Run fast.

Jokes aside, imagine you thought you knew someone for the longest time. You interacted on a close level. You lived through good days and bad days. You thought you had each other’s backs. For the longest time, you were under the impression, the feelings were mutual. Well, you didn’t think it on your own. It was expressed and shown in different ways. Only to get the shock of your life one day, when their mask slips and they come out of the closet revealing how they truly feel and what they truly think of you.

Has that ever happened to you? Now, they are not going to come out saying:”hey, I’m a closet Narcissist and I’m here to f&@& you up” They are not even aware that their actions are harmful or wrong in any way. Yet, the way they will come at you, the things they will say and the negative energy you feel as they release the poison they held inside for so long, it will shock the hell out of you at first. Then, if you are well educated on toxic behaviour and personality disorders or even able to recognize signs of a mental disorder of some sort, you should be able to see it clearly.

And when the shock wears off. When you process what happened. You may be able to have some idea as to what you may be facing. While you are not a licensed professional or studied these complex disorders, at the least, you will not brush it off and pass it as a normal behaviour. You will be able to call it out for what it is. You will pick up on toxic actions and unhealthy methods of communication. You don’t need the label. You don’t need a diagnosis. You need to be alert and catch toxicity and call it out.

You will need to take action from the first time the mask slips.

You don’t need to see it again. Once is enough. You don’t need further confirmation the person you thought you knew, isn’t the one you are interacting with now. Regardless of who they are. Personality or mental disorders don’t discriminate. They can infect anyone.

The most important part in this process is not to get infected yourself and stoop down to their level. That’s what they want. They are so jealous of you that they desperately want you to react to their craziness so they can call you crazy. They want to push your buttons to react to their aggression on you. They will do anything to control the situation. Anything. That includes twisting the facts and changing the narrative to suit their agenda. They will blame shift, and project their bad behaviour on you. They will victimize themselves and take no accountability whatsoever to their abuse. It’s your fault for them losing it on you. If you had listened and obliged, the situation would not have escalated. In the end, you brought it on yourself.

If that isn’t gaslighting.

If their action isn’t manipulative.

If that isn’t toxic behaviour.

If that isn’t abusive.

Then I don’t know how you are living everyday if you believe this was all ‘normal.’

Sadly, not many people will be alert and see things for what they are. People are so used to make excuses for bad behaviour and justify the wrong action. We always want to see the best in people. We don’t want to believe that someone can be so vicious to this degree. It’s so unbelievable that we refuse to believe the truth we are facing and instead believe our fantasy of who we think they are. We hold on to the false image we have known rather than seeing the one behind the mask that literally just slipped right before our eyes.

We question our eyes instead. Maybe we are not seeing clearly. Maybe we need glasses. It’s not them. Something must be wrong with us. We gaslight ourselves. Like it’s not enough we are being gaslight by them. No. We gotta double down.

The thing is, regardless of the disorder and regardless of vicious or not, the end result is same. You are being attacked. You are being abused. You are being stepped on. You are being hurt. These alone are warning bells for you to protect yourself from whomever this abuser is.

A few things to keep in mind:

First, educate yourself and be aware of signs of mental and personality disorder. I’m not saying go get a master degree. Just read about this stuff with curiously. Knowledge is power. In this world we live in today, this stuff should be taught in school.

Second, be alert at all times. I’m not saying be so much on guard that you are unable to live your life. It’s wise to always know in the back of your mind, certain behaviours are red flags. If the red flags are coming up, open your eyes and ears more than your usual.

Third, is do not dismiss the signs or explain them away so you don’t have to confront anything. The worst thing you can do is pretend you didn’t hear or didn’t see or gaslight yourself. There is a reason your internal antennas warned you. It was not a false alarm. Although, there are occasions when there are false alarms. But not after investigating a little more to confirm.

Fourth, the first steps you take once the red flags are up are the most crucial. What you allow. How you respond. If you are enabling the bad behaviour to continue and indirectly signalling to your abuser to push more next time. Because believe me, there will be a next time.

Fifth, protect yourself at all costs. Abusers don’t care about how you feel or they wouldn’t be abusers. They will push your boundaries if you let them. They will manipulate if you give them attention. They will hurt you if you give them that power over you.

On the other hand. If you put them in their place from the very first time and show in action (not words) what you will tolerate and not, enforcing the line that they dare not cross again. Well, there is hope they will back off and not mess with you cause you were on to them faster than they anticipated. Or they will try other tactics to get to you. By now, you are on guard and should take the appropriate action relevant to your situation.

Key here, take action.

Don’t sit there waiting for the next blow and don’t waste your energy on words that aren’t going anywhere. It will take some time to process the pain and disappointment. You are now forced to confront a nightmare. One you didn’t anticipate.

Even nightmares pass. They won’t last forever.

That’s your silver lining.